If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
