3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
