Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
