i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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