okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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