The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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