I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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