if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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