Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
