Betty ford says i'm here all night
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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