I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We have so much sex to catch up on
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
