how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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