you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
