Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
