Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
