she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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