There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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