It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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