1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
