what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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