There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
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maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
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Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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