Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
