This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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