thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
