all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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