You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
