I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
