checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
