I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
please come you make the beer taste better
Four minutes until I can fart!
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
