Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
