I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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