I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Randomize
