so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
