Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
