hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
