Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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