No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
how drunk are you?
Several
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
