I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
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