what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
