i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
