Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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