I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
