Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
