a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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