So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
