would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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