I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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