There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
