yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
