my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
