do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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