Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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