At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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