I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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