i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Randomize
