we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
The power of my boobs compel you
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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