I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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