Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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