You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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