This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
