New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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