Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
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Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
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Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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