Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
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