Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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