I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
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I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
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Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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