Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
