we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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