Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
