Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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