Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Randomize
