I think im going to throw up on grandma
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
