If that was your dad, he is hot
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
