Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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