PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
