I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
