sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
