Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
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