In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
