i jhust puked up my retainher.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
