i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
